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The Perfect Sandwich
290 calories of life-nourishing goodness. A mere 17 percent of our daily fat intake, the McDonald’s Egg McMuffin is a culinary ode to joy. It is performance art when you eat it.
As someone who played a lot of baseball, I liken the first bite to feeling one with the bat when the baseball lands squarely on the barrel. You realize that your role in that soaring baseball was really just being the perfect fulcrum, and when you first bite into the crispy Egg McMuffin, you appreciate that its perfection is not complete without the chewing movements of your jaws.
I marvel that no one has yet made a simple work of art similar to the one Andy Warhol did in honor of Marilyn Monroe and the Campbell’s soup can. Where is our wall of McMuffins?
The naive will say that eggs are bad for you, and that is why they never venture down the McMuffin path from time to time. Others will tell you about the excess salt and carbs in our little friend: 28 and 31 percent, friends.
While there is a bit more salt in this perfectly-formed circle of goodness, which on some days feels more like a little hug wrapped up in the pleasant yellow paper than there would be if you made it at home; at home, you wouldn’t get the joy of feeling how precisely the breakfast sandwich fits in your hand when you lift to unwrap.
It’s a one-size-fits-all sandwich. Whether you are six or 96, it is as if the five-tiered piece of culinary inspiration was designed with the opposable thumb in mind. Take it out of the bag and set it on a table in front of you. Pat the top of it. It is warm to the touch but not hot. It’s saying, all is okay, friend.
Turn it over on its back, and slowly, one corner of the yellow wrapping paper will begin to slowly reach for the sky — wait. Stop. Pick it up and let it settle into the palm of your hand — right, like that. Feel it. The size is exquisite. The weight — go ahead, weigh it, and feel the weight. It’s like a prize truffle waiting to be cherished.
Okay, please unwrap it and let the steamy breadiness fill your nostrils. Inhale slowly and then exhale. Eye the sandwich up and down — don’t be shy. Be sure to admire how the cheese — it’s cheddar, by the way — has melted ever so slightly…
