Member-only story
Lukashenko Falls Critically Ill After Meeting with Putin
Grim Reaper files an official complaint against Putin and orders him to ‘cease and desist’
Alexander “Lucky” Lukashenko is not so lucky these days. With his fate tied to the king of losers, and the Grim Reaper wannabe, Vladimir Putin, the 7s that were coming up for him since 1994 are no longer resulting in big payouts.
As a matter of unfortunate fact for the cabbage-patch dictator, his latest trip to Moscow may prove to be his last one.
As the now-pretty-infamous saying goes, “See Moscow and die,” Lukashenko proved more resilient than the Kremlin apothecaries and mixologists figured. Barely able to stand up to pee the last time he was seen making an urgent exit with an ambulance in tow to Minsk, it seems the amount of elephant tranquilizer was quadrupled. Lukashenko, if reports out of Moscow are correct, met with Putin, collapsed, and has for the past day or so been in critical condition at a Moscow hospital.
His condition was assessed by leading Russian doctors as ‘critical’ and his blood was ‘purified.’ He was deemed not fit to travel back to Belarus. Reports said his plane was sent back on the one-hour flight to Minsk to mask his hospitalization in Moscow (Lukashenko Allegedly Hospitalized).
